It's official - CORK SUCKS

That's IT. I'm NEVER buying a bottle of wine with cork in it again. EVER.

OK, maybe that's a bit dramatic. I'd perhaps buy if it's a bottle going for a song that I will open that evening. Perhaps.

Just now, I needed some wine for cooking. Grabbed a 2002 Abbey Vale. The cork disintegrated as the corkscrew went through it. Cork crumbs went everywhere. I tried a different opener to no avail. As I attempted to extract the cork, more crumbs went everywhere, including into the wine. Then I cracked the royal shits and decided to push what remained of the cork into the wine. Meantime, the food is waiting on the stove. I tried to pour some of it through a stainer into a glass. It dribbled through for a few moments, then the cork moved and wine gushed out, going all over the kitchen bench and onto the floor. It is at times like this that I spit venom and wish hateful shit on inanimate objects.

The wine, in any case, was fine. It was just another dodgy cork. And by another, I mean it can join its mates that have caused the deaths of many, including a 1998 E&E Sparkling Shiraz and a 2003(?) Pirie sparkling. Leakage, oxidation, cork crumbs, cork taint....Enough. ENOUGH.

It's not my cellaring conditions. I opened a 2002 Abbey Vale shiraz two days ago and it was perfect. Plenty of bottles I open are perfect. I'm just sick to my back teeth of losing money and hopes, usually special bottles and usually with friends.

I'm very glad that my Petaluma rieslings are under stelvin, and my Seppelt sparkling reds are under old-fashioned crown seals. I must remember to hug them this evening.

One of my new favourite wineries,
Brown Hill Estate, uses screw caps. Bless them.

Cork taint is estimated to affect 6-8% of bottles. I think I'm running at more like 20%. This is madness! How can an industry run on this sort of loss, which can't be recognised until years after a purchase is made?

Cork sucks big hairy ones, and no longer has any place in my cellar.